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'Pigeons'



(LADIES DRESSED AS PIGEONS FROM WAIST UP. WALK ON BEHIND WALL,
THEIR HANDS ACT AS THE PIGEONS FEET WALKING ALONG THE TOP OF THE WALL.)
 
 
        'WE'RE PIGEONS'
 

We're Pigeons, pecking around. You'll find us in every town.

Motorists get angry when we're walking in the road,

But some of us can't run because we've got a heavy load!

And anyway, it's hard to run when you are 'Pigeon Toe'd'

It's a 'Pigeon Highway Code!

 

We're Pigeons, pecking around. Just Pigeons, Oh look what she's found;

I'm sure it wasn't there when I passed this way before

It's soft and very long, but what it is I'm not quite sure

O'h now I see, a smelly sock, some Cub-Scouts been and wore.

They treat us Pigeons poor!

 

We're Pigeons, pecking around, and searching all over the ground

We're happy if some passer-by will feed us with some bread

But if you can't be kind to us, well watch out where you tread.

And if we're feeling really bad....we can aim for your head!

Us Pigeons must be fed!

 

We're Pigeons, pecking around, and strutting all over the ground.

Many people want to know what do we pigeons do?

We dont serve any purpose, not even in a Zoo!

Then someone said, they thought we'd make,..a tasty pigeon stew.

(GASP)  Well Pigeons to you!  Yes Pigeons to you!

            ---------------------------------------

 

(ENTER NEW PIGEON BEHIND  2nd WALL OPPOSITE)

 

UGLY     "Coo-ee. Can I come and join you?"

1st P.   "Who's that?"

2nd P.   "I don't know, but she looks as common as muck!"

3rd P.   "Pretend you haven't seen her."

UGLY     "I've just moved into that new telegraph pole across the road."

         "Can I come over?"

1st P.   "What do you think?"

4th P.   "Oh I don't know! After all, there's no telling where she's been!"

3rd P.   "Mind you, she looks well fed!"

2nd P.   "Yes come on then dear!"

            UGLY WALKS FROM BEHIND HER WALL. ALTHOUGH SHE APPEARS 
            NORMAL ABOVE THE WAIST WE NOW SEE THAT SHE HAS BRIGHT
            GREEN LEGS WITH LARGE FLIPPERS. THE OTHERS SHRIEK WITH
            HORROR AND EXIT INTO WINGS SAYING HOW UGLY SHE IS.
           
            UGLY WALKS FORWARD, HEAD BOWED, AND SINGS.
 
 

'ONLY A PIGEON LIKE ME'

 

It's always been the same, it seems, anywhere I go.

Everybody turns away, nobody wants to know.

All the other Pigeons play out in the sun;

But everytime that I come near, they all turn and run.

Well who wants to see, an ugly old pigeon like me?

 

Tourists come and feed the birds, on their holiday

Children holding bits of bread,  food they throw our way.

People shriek with laughter, when I come along;

Chase me to the nearest tree, they know I don't belong.

Well who wants to see, an ugly old pigeon like me.

 

May'be soon I'll find someone, with a heart of gold

There are people who are kind to birds!

At least that's what I'm told.

When there's snow in winter, that chills you to the bone

If you should see one poor bird, standing all alone,

Who could it be?   Only a Pigeon like me.

 

(THE OTHERS HAVE RETURNED DURING THE LAST VERSE AND ARE WON      
OVER). THEY CALL OUT 
"Come on then dear" AND THEY ALL EXIT TOGETHER.

 
'Pigeons' Original performance 1st Bury St Edmunds
(Mayors Own) 1992 ©Colin Siequien