The Hypnotist

 

 

 

 

CHAIR                        “And now we are delighted, nay ecstatic, to present, for the first time in this country,

                        a renowned and world famous Hypnotist. Fresh from his highly successful European tour,

It is none other that the celebrated ‘Alfonse-Le-Bonce’!”

 

                        (NO-ONE APPEARS)

 

CHAIR                        “I'm sorry for the delay ladies and gentleman..............I expect I'll be told what the

                        trouble is............Ladies and Gentlemen, Alfonse-Le-Bonce!”

 

ALF'                (FROM OFF)  “But it's not me!  I'm the juggler!  Look I am not going on!”

 

                        (HE IS PUSHED ON FROM THE WINGS, OBVIOUSLY EMBARRASSED AND

TRIES TO CATCH THE CHAIRMAN'S EYE)

 

CHAIR                        (STARTS TO APPLAUD VIGOROUSLY)  “Monsieur Alfonse”

                       

(ALF TAKES HALF A BOW STILL TRYING TO CATCH THE CHAIRMAN'S EYE)

 

CHAIR                        “And now could we have the hypnotic music please?”

 

                        (THE BAND STARTS AS ALF EDGES FURTHER FORWARD WAVING                                                                HIS HAND AT THE CHAIRMAN. EVENTUALLY HE SNAPS HIS FINGERS

                        JUST AS THE CHAIR LOOKS ROUND. IN AN INSTANT THE CHAIR IS

                        HYPNOTISED AND GOES INTO A TRANCE.  ALF TRIES TO WAKE HIM

                        AS THE BAND PLAYS ON. EVENTUALLY HE GIVES UP ON THE CHAIR

                        AND APPROACHES THE BAND WHO IGNORE HIM.    HE THEN

                        ACCIDENTALLY HYPNOTISES SEVERAL OF THE BAND WHO IN TURN

                        STOP PLAYING AND GO INTO A DAZE.) 

(NOW THERE IS ONLY THE PIANO PLAYING. ALF PUTS HIS HANDS UNDER

HIS OWN ARMPITS, SO HE CANT SNAP HIS FINGERS, AND SHRIEKS AT THE

PIANO WHO STOPS.)                                                                                                                                                           

ALF                 “Stop. This is all a terrible mistake!  I am not the hypnotist!”

 

PIANO                        (LOOKS ROUND AT EVERYONE IN A TRANCE)  “Who did all this then?”

 

ALF                 “Well I did, but it was an accident. I just snapped my fingers (HE NEARLY DOES

                        IT AGAIN)  and everyone just went under!”

 

PIANO                        “Well snap your fingers again and wake them up.”

 

ALF                 “I've tried that! All I do is put someone else under.”

 

PIANO                        “Well I'm sorry I can’t help you. I'm just here to play Piano!” (HE PLAYS AGAIN)

 

ALF                 “But what am I going to do?”

 

                        (ALF RUNS ABOUT BETWEEN PEOPLE SNAPPING HIS FINGERS ETC

                        AND BECOMING MORE AND MORE AGITATED. EVENTUALLY HE

                        RUNS INTO THE WINGS AND RETURNS WITH A STAGE HAND.

                        THE PIANO IS PLAYING THROUGHOUT.)

 

ALF                 “I tried to tell you, I'm a juggler. I don’t know anything about this lark. Look at them,

                        what are we going to do?”

 

1st S/H             (LOOKING ROUND) “Well how come the pianist is all right?”

 

ALF                 “It's more by luck than judgement. Wake Up...Wake Up!”

 

                        (HE RUNS ABOUT AGAIN)

 

1st S/H             “Hang on, hang on. Lets take this a step at a time. What exactly did you do?”

 

ALF                 “I simply snapped my fingers.“    (HE SNAPS HIS FINGERS, ONE OF THE BAND

WAKES UP AND STARTS PLAYING AGAIN)

 

ALF                 “Hey that's great! I've done it, look!”

 

                        (HE TURNS TO 1st S/H WHO IS NOW HYPNOTISED)

 

ALF                 “Oh No! Not you as well..Wake Up! Wake Up!”

 

                        (ALF RUNS ABOUT AGAIN. THIS TIME WHEN HE SNAPS HIS FINGERS                                                                       ANOTHER OF THE BAND WAKES UP BUT THE FIRST GOES BACK TO

                        SLEEP)   

(A SECOND STAGE HAND ENTERS)

 

2nd S/H            “What's going on?”

 

ALF                 (HIDING HIS HANDS)  “I keep trying to explain. I'm just a Juggler. Somehow I've..

                        (SHRIEKS AT BAND)  Will you shut up!” (COMPOSES HIMSELF) “Look I'm

                        really sorry about all this, but it's not my fault. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm already

                        late for  another appearance.”    (HE BACKS AWAY INTO THE WINGS)

                        “Frightfully sorry,  I hope you get it all sorted out!”

 

                        (HE EXITS.  AS SOON AS HE'S GONE THE CHAIR AWAKES)

 

CHAIR                        “Has he gone?”  “Just check to see.”

 

2nd S/H            (PEERING INTO WINGS) “Yes he's gone. It works every time!”

 

CHAIR                        “Right everyone it's all clear.”

 

                        (EVERYONE AWAKES)

 

CHAIR                        “Sorry about that ladies and gentlemen, we only found out today about  a terrible

                        mistake. It wasn't until the Juggler arrived that we realised... He was expecting to be PAID!”



  © 1995 Colin Siequien