'Litter'

4 - 5 minute sketch in front of tabs featuring 3 8-10 year olds

1 dressed as an Envelope,

1 dressed as a Match and

1 dressed as a Takeaway Pizza Leaflet.

ENVELOPE AND MATCH WALK ON FROM ONE SIDE.

LEAFLET IS BLOWN ON FROM OTHER SIDE.

Leaflet “Look-out I can’t stop!”

HE IS BLOWN ABOUT FOR A MOMENT THEN COMES TO A STOP BY THE OTHER TWO

Match “Are you alright?”

Leaflet “Oh that’s better! I’ve been blown round the streets for ages.”

Envelope “That’s because you’re so light and aerodynamic!”

Leaflet “Aerody..WHAT?”

Envelope “Your weight ratio and shape, relative to your size, means you are particularly affected by air currents!”

Leaflet (TO MATCH) “Do you know what he’s on about?”

Match “He means you get blown about a lot.”

Leaflet “Well why didn’t he say so?”

Match “I’m David.” (*see note)

Leaflet “I’m Peter.”

Envelope “James!”

Leaflet “This seems a nice street. Much quieter than round the corner!”

Envelope “Yes we’ve been enjoying the quiet... Up to now.”

Leaflet “You’re lucky! Round there I kept being picked up, looked at, and then being thrown away again.”

Match “No, there are not so many people here.”

Leaflet “I’m sure people think I’m ‘Money’ the way they keep picking me up ! I’m nearly worn away to nothing! No wonder I'm so aerody....... what he said."

Envelope “Are you recycled?”

Leaflet “How dare you? I wouldn’t be seen dead on a bike!”

Envelope “Recycled paper means second hand and it’s lighter than ‘Better Quality Material’ I think you will find!”

Match “Oh leave him alone. You’re not as posh as you think you are.”

Envelope “Posh? Perhaps you mean ‘Well-Bred’!”

Match “You look more like ‘Garlic Bread’ Ha ha.”

Envelope “Well at least I have had an education!”

Leaflet “Education? What does an Envelope need to know?”

Match “Ignore him. He’s in a bad mood because he’s been thrown away.”

Envelope “I have not been thrown away. I have simply been mislaid; and all Envelope’s are educated. We have to know about things like 'Postage' and 'Post-Codes'. Plus of course - The Accent!”

Leaflet “Accent? What accent?”

Envelope “We all have to leave School with a proper ‘Essex’ accent.”

Leaflet “Essex accent? James, what are you talking about?”

Envelope “I should have thought it was obvious... (PROUDLY) I’m a ‘Basildon Bond’!”

Match “What?”

Leaflet “James, you mean you’re... an... Essex Spy?”

(GROANS)

Envelope “Of course not! The fact that my name is James is coincidental...Oh! I give up!”

Leaflet “Anyway there is no point in pretending you are posh. We are all the same... Litter!”

Envelope (LOOKING AT LEAFLET) “Yes well there are all kinds of ‘Litter’.”

Leaflet “Nevertheless, that’s what we are!”

Match “Well actually I’m not really litter. Not in the normal sense!”

Envelope “Why? What makes you different/”

Match “Well I haven’t been used yet. So I’m still a live Match!”

Leaflet “You mean you could still catch light?”

(ENVELOPE AND LEAFLET BACK AWAY)

Match “Oh I’m quite safe on my own. For me to light you need to have the right combination!”

Leaflet “Combination?”

Match “Yes I have to be struck against something rough.”

Envelope (LOOKING AT LEAFLET) “That shouldn’t be hard to do!”

Leaflet “How come you’ve been thrown away then?”

Match “It was an accident. My owner was looking for his keys in his pocket when the matchbox fell on the ground and opened. He picked up most of the matches but I got left behind.”

Leaflet “That’s a shame!”

Match “Yes. Still you can’t blame him it was starting to rain so he wanted to get indoors.”

Envelope “What’s all that noise?”

Leaflet “It’s probably the local kids. I saw a load of them round the corner.”

Match “Oh NO! Kids and matches!... That’s the wrong combination!”

Leaflet “By the sound of it, they are coming this way!”

Match “Oh No! Where can we go?”

(MATCH RUNS ROUND IN A PANIC)

Leaflet “We will have to find somewhere to hide.”

Match “But where?”

Envelope “Well I don’t know about you....... but I’m going to hide in the one place they’ll never look!”

Match “Quickly... Quickly... Where?.. Where?”

Envelope “I should have thought it was obvious! In the Dustbin!”

(THEY ALL RUN OFF.)