Canu Canoe?

CAST

Mother

Father

Skip

Scouts – David, Jason , Smithers, Keith and Paul.

Props needed: table, chairs, crockery etc. 2 Canoe’s

SCENE 1

(CURTAINS OPEN TO A BREAKFAST TABLE WITH DAVID AND HIS FATHER BOTH SITTING.

MOTHER WALKS BACK AND FORTH PUTTING THINGS ON THE TABLE ETC.

DAVID IS DRESSED, FATHER IS IN HIS DRESSING GOWN.)

Mother “I wish you’d get dressed in the mornings, instead of sitting there like that!”

Father “That’s alright, it’s Saturday. Anyway I haven’t got much to do!”

Mother “I wish I hadn’t. I’ve still got the ironing to finish.

Don’t forget you’re taking David canoeing.”

Father “Canoeing? Nobody told me! You’re not old enough!

Who are you going with anyway?”

David “The Scouts. It’s part of my first Patrol activity”

Father “Huh. Taking you on the river is fatal.

You’ve only got to see water and you fall in.”

David “Oh Dad!”

Father “It’s true. I still remember taking you fishing on Southend Pier.

Four hundred years that Pier has stood there.

Till you walk on it and a bit breaks off. Whoosh

(HE GESTURES) Straight down!”

Mother “Well at least he’s a strong swimmer!”

Father “It’s a good job he is!” (PAUSE)

“Shame he’s not so keen on the water in the bathroom.”

David “Oh Dad!”

Mother “Talking of the bathroom, shouldn’t you be getting dressed?”

Father “In a minute. There’s no hurry! What time have you got to go?”

(DOORBELL RINGS)

David “Now! That’ll be Jason, I said we’d give him a lift. I’ll go.”

(FATHER RUSHES OFF, WITH TEA CUP IN HAND. RETURNS TO PUT TEA CUP

DOWN, MUTTERING, RUNS OFF AGAIN. DAVID EXITS AND RETURNS WITH JASON.

THEY BOTH SIT DOWN.)

Mother “Hello Jason, David’s dad wont be a minute.....Is this your

first time canoeing with the Scouts as well?

Jason “No I’ve been loads of times. David’s the only new one in our Patrol.”

Mother “How many are in your Patrol altogether?”

Jason “Five counting David. But Skip is coming as well.

He’s taking the canoes on his roof-rack.”

Mother “How many canoes are there?”

Jason “Two. Skip’s taking his own and one of the troops.”

(FATHER RUNS ACROSS THE STAGE IN VEST AND TROUSERS

WITH SHAVING SOAP ON HIS FACE)

Jason “Am I too early?”

David “No it’s alright. Dad’s probably looking for his shaving brush.”

Mother “Well perhaps you shouldn’t keep borrowing it for all your paintings!”

David “Yes Mum.”

Mother “I hope you’ve left it cleaner than last time!”

David “Yes Mum.”

Mother “Never mind ‘Yes Mum’. It took Dad so long to clean it on

Tuesday he was late for work. He ended up shaving on the bus.”

David “Yes Mum.”

(PAUSE)

Jason “I think we’re supposed to be there about half past nine.”

David “It’s not very far. Why don’t we walk?”

Jason “Alright.”

Mother “I can’t see your father being very pleased!”

David “If we don’t go now we might miss them.”

Mother “Well alright, but mind the traffic in the High Street!”

David “Yes Mum.”

(DAVID AND JASON EXIT. MOTHER IS CLEARING THE LAST OF THE

BREAKFAST THINGS FROM THE TABLE. FATHER RUSHES ON WITH

BRIGHTLY COLOURED PAINT ON HIS FACE)

Father “I’m ready! (PAUSE) Where are they?”

Mother “They decided to walk.”

(FATHER THROWS A FIT. BLACKOUT)

(IN THE BLACKOUT THE TABLE AND CHAIRS ARE CLEARED.

THEN THE LIGHTS RETURN FOR AN OUTSIDE SCENE)

SCENE 2

(SKIP, SMITHERS, KEITH AND PAUL ENTER CARRYING 2 CANOES WHICH

THEY SET DOWN CENTRE STAGE)

Skip “We’ll wait for a few minutes in case Jason and David do turn up.”

Smithers (LOOKING INTO WINGS) “Here they come.”

(ENTER JASON AND DAVID OUT OF BREATH)

Jason “Sorry we didn’t have a lift.”

Skip “Well you’re here now. David, you come back to the car with me and help with the

other gear. The rest of you, take the canoes over to the bank and be careful with

them. Remember canoes cost money!”

(SKIP AND DAVID EXIT. THE REMAINDER GATHER ROUND ONE OF THE CANOES)

Smithers 'I hope I get first go.'

Keith 'No. The new boy David will.'

Paul 'That's not fair. I bet he gets two goes and we only get one!"

Keith (LOOKING IN THE CANOE) "Well he wont get any goes in this canoe. It's got a big

hole in it!"

Smithers “Where? Cor!”

Jason “Well if you get your big head out of the way Smithers, we could all see.”

(THEY ALL LOOK IN THE CANOE)

Keith “I bet that happened on the roof-rack! I told you they were tied on too tight.”

Smithers “Well at least they didn’t come off like last summer. Skip braked at the traffic lights and the canoes kept going!”

Keith “Yeah. That Policeman was not amused.”

Jason “Never mind that. Who’s going to tell Skip?”

Paul “I vote we cover the hole with a sponge. If David gets in it, he’s so light, it might not leak.”

Smithers “Yeah and even if it does leak it can be like an imitation ceremony.”

Keith “Imitation ceremony? What’s an imitation ceremony?”

Jason “Smithers, you idiot. You mean ‘Initiation Ceremony’.”

Smithers “Yeah, that as well.”

Paul “That’s decided then.” (LEANS IN AND MOVES SPONGE)

Jason “No it’s not. We’ll tell Skip as soon as there’s a suitable time.”

Keith “But this is Skip’s own canoe! He will not be happy!”

(NOISES OFF)

Paul “Well whoever’s telling him, good luck, cos here they come.”

(SKIP AND DAVID ENTER CARRYING VARIOUS ITEMS)

Skip “Right, is everything ready?”

Keith “Skip; we was wondering who’s going first?”

Skip “Now don’t start! I’m going on my own, so David can watch from the bank while I show him a few basic moves. Give me a hand with this canoe David.”

Paul “Yeah, but Skip.”

Skip “No buts. You’ll get a turn later.”

(THE CANOE IS PICKED UP BY SKIP AND DAVID AND PUSHED INTO THE

WINGS AS THOUGH ONTO WATER.)

Jason “I really think we should talk about this Skip.”

Skip “No. I’m going first. I’ve made up my mind and that’s the end of it.”

Jason “But!”

Skip “Give over.”

(HE PUSHES THE CANOE AND APPEARS TO JUMP IN AS HE MOVES INTO THE WINGS.)

Smithers “I really don’t want to see this.”

Skip (FROM WINGS) “Now you can see that I can move the canoe .......easily .......backwards......and .....forwards. Hang on I’ll move this sponge out of the way. Hello it’s wet!”

Keith “Skip please?”

Skip “Here my canoe’s leaking! I’m getting wet! What’s going on? There’s a hole! I’M SINKING!”

Paul “Hang on Skip we’ll throw you a ‘buoy’.”

Skip “Well I’m gonna need something. But we haven’t got one.”

(SMITHERS AND KEITH GRAB DAVID)

Smithers “Yes we have. It’s an imitation!”

David (TO AUDIENCE) “Oh no! ...Not again!”

(THEY THROW DAVID INTO WINGS)

BLACKOUT.

'Canu Canoe?' Original performance

1st Bury St Edmunds (Mayors Own) 1992 © Colin Siequien