'The Rehearsal'
'The Rehearsal'
CAST Includes Songs by Ralph Reader
Ruby ‘London Town’
R’s Friend ‘Angel’
Sybil ‘Way Down East’
S’s Friend ‘Together’
Producer
Scout
Wardrobe
Teenagers (1 male, 1 female)
Various Cubs, Scouts and Guides.
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Narrator “Many people wonder why we put on shows. It’s very obviously a lot of hard work!
So tonight we thought we would try to show some of the fun of a rehearsal, in the hope
that you will understand why we enjoy shows so much. What you are about to see is a
typical rehearsal. We hope, when it’s over, that you will realise that there is nothing like
a show to pull everyone together.”
(CURTAINS OPEN TO HALF STAGE. THERE IS AN ARGUMENT GOING ON BETWEEN FOUR WOMEN.)
Ruby “I always sing the solo that opens the second half! Always have and always will.”
Sybil “The Producer promised this one to me. She was quite specific.”
Ruby “Well of course She was. You’ve spent every single rehearsal sucking up to her.That’s why.”
Sybil “You’re just jealous because she recognises real talent.”
(THEY HAVE A SHEET OF PAPER WHICH THEY ARE EACH PULLING AT)
R’s Friend “Cheeky thing. Ruby’s got more talent in her whole body than you’ve got in your little finger!”
S’s Friend “Well she’s got plenty of body to hide it in!”
Ruby “Ooh, I shall clock someone in a minute. I’m doing the solo and that’s that!”
(SHE SNATCHES THE PAPER AWAY)
Sybil “Oh no your not!” (SHE SNATCHES IT BACK)
R’s Friend “Yes she is.”
S’s Friend “She isn’t.”
(THERE IS A TUSSLE AND THE PAPER TEARS. ENTER PRODUCER)
Producer “What’s going on?”
Ruby “Sybil’s trying to take over my solo.”
Sybil “It’s not your solo. The Producer decides who sings solos.”
(THERE IS MUCH FACE PULLING)
Producer “What solo?”
Sybil “The one that opens the second half. ‘I Want To Be A Pin-Up-Girl’.”
Producer “We’re not doing that at the beginning of the second half!”
Ruby “Well when are we doing it?”
Producer “We’re not doing it at all.”
Friends “What!”
Producer “We’re doing ‘London Town’. If you’d read your ‘Running Order’ you’d know! Now. Is the set ready? Open the curtains.”
(HALF STAGE TABS OPEN TO REVEAL TEENAGE COUPLE IN A CLINCH)
Male Teen “Ah! Ah, just rehearsing for another scene.” (THEY EXIT TO OPPOSITE WINGS)
Producer “Right, we’re going to do ‘London Town’. Then the Guides, who should be in costume will come on for ‘Way Down East’. Then..
(ENTER SEVERAL SCOUTS)
Producer “Your late!”
Scout “Yes . Sorry we were delayed!”
Producer “That simply isn’t good enough. Why are you late?”
Scout “Well we were told we should try and find some ‘Eastern’ costumes for ourselves.
So ...we’ve ...been ....looking.”
Producer “I don’t know why ‘Wardrobe’ should want Eastern costumes for you, but I can’t
bother with that now. Take your positions for ‘London Town’.”
Ruby “Who’s doing the solo in ‘London Town’?
Sybil “I am!”
R’s Friend “You’re not!”
S’s Friend “You keep out of this. It’s up to the Producer.”
Producer “Will you all stop it. There isn’t a solo in ‘London Town’. You all sing it together!
Music please.”
(MUSIC STARTS AND ‘LONDON TOWN’ IS SUNG. DURING WHICH THE PRODUCER PULLS THE ‘TEENAGERS’ ON FROM THE WINGS AND SPENDS MUCH OF THE SONG PULLING AND PUSHING PEOPLE INTO POSITION. TEENAGERS TIPTOE BACK INTO WINGS AT FIRST OPPORTUNITY. LATER THEY ARE PUSHED BACK ON STAGE FROM WINGS WHEN THE CUBS AND THEN GUIDES ENTER. EACH TIME THEY EXIT WHEN THEY THINK THE PRODUCER ISN’T LOOKING.)
Producer (CALLING INTO WINGS) “Wardrobe, are the girls ready for ‘Way Down East’?”
Wardrobe (ENTERS) “You said you wanted the Cubs next. The girls aren’t ready.”
Producer “All right then send on the Cubs and we’ll do ‘Angel’.”
Ruby “Who’s doing the solo in ‘Angel’?”
Producer “Will you shut up about solos!”
(CUBS ENTER WEARING HALOS)
Producer “Why are they dressed like that? Wardrobe? Why are these boys wearing Halos?”
Wardrobe “You said they were singing ‘Angel’.”
Producer “No, no. This is the ‘Angel Islington’ it’s about London. Can’t you get anything right?”
Wardrobe “Well I’m doing my best. They told me I’d be working with a proper Producer!”
(WARDROBE EXITS TAKING SOME OF THE HALO’S WITH HER)
Producer “Right. We’ll pretend you’re dressed as London street urchins. Play the music.”
(ANGEL IS SUNG BY EVERYONE ON STAGE)
Producer “Wardrobe, are the girls ready for ‘Way Down East’?”
(SYBIL OPENS HER MOUTH)
Producer “Before you ask. There isn’t a solo in ‘Way Down East’. But you ladies can sing
the verse together. Together!”
(THERE IS MUCH SHUFFLING BETWEEN THE WOMEN)
Producer “Wardrobe?......Is she sulking?.....Wardrobe?”
Wardrobe (ENTERS) “What now?”
Producer “Now dear, we must try to work together. Are the Guides ready?”
Wardrobe “They’re as ready as I can make them in the time.”
Producer “Well these ladies are going to sing the verse. I want you to send the girls on just
before the verse finishes.”
(WARDROBE EXITS)
Producer “Now dears, remember you are singing about how much fun it is in the East End of
London.”
(THEY SING THE VERSE OF ‘WAY DOWN EAST’ AND ARE ABOUT TO GO INTO THE CHORUS WHEN:-)
Producer “STOP. Stop. Where are the Guides? They haven’t come on.”
Wardrobe “Well I’ve never heard the song before. I didn’t know when the verse was going to
end!”
Producer (COOLY) “All right, we’ll sing it again.”
(THEY SING IT AGAIN. THIS TIME THE GUIDES COME ON DRESSED AS JAPANESE GIRLS)
Producer “STOP. Stop. Why are they dressed as Japanese girls?
Wardrobe (ENTERS) “Well these are the only Eastern costumes I’ve got!”
Producer “Way Down East is about the east end of LONDON!”
Wardrobe “Well ........Pretend they’re tourists. I’m going home, I’ve got a headache coming
on.”
(WARDROBE EXITS)
Producer “Right, well we are running out of time. So just sing the chorus and we’ll go
straight into the finale.”
Sybil “What are we doing in the finale?”
Producer (ABRUPTLY) “We are singing ‘Together’. Play the music please.”
(CHORUS OF WAY DOWN EAST IS SUNG)
Producer “Right, everyone on stage for the finale.”
(TEENAGERS ARE PULLED ON FROM WINGS AGAIN)
Producer “Now this is a nice song, please sing it properly. Line up across the stage in rows.
Cubs at the front and adults at the back so that we go up in order of height.”
(THIS IS DONE WITH MUCH JOSTLING)
Producer “While you are singing I want you all, row by row, to walk across the stage and round
to the back. As each row is at the front you can take a bow. Stop talking at the back!
Listen. Other wise you wont know what to do. Now, are you all clear about where
` you’re supposed to go?”
Ruby “We know where we’re going. But what are we singing?”
Producer “I’ve told you enough times! You are all singing ‘Together’.”
Sybil “Yes we understand we’ve got to sing together. But what?”
Producer “No. No. You are singing ‘TOGETHER’.......Oh, play the music.”
(TOGETHER IS SUNG ‘STRAIGHT’ UNTIL THE ADULTS ARE AT THE FRONT. THEY TAKE THEIR BOW
DURING THE LAST LINE OF THE SONG AS THE PRODUCER CALLS OUT “Curtains” UPON WHICH
THE HALF STAGE TABS ARE PULLED LEAVING THE ADULTS ON VIEW. MOST CREEP OFF, BUT RUBY
AND SYBIL REMAIN TAKING BOWS UNTIL THEY ARE FINALLY PULLED OFF.)
‘The Rehearsal’ Original performance
1st Bury St Edmunds (Mayors Own) 1992Updated 2011 © Colin Siequien
Songs by Ralph Reader