'The Hypnotist'

‘The Hypnotist ’

CHAIR                        “And now we are delighted, nay ecstatic, to present, for the first time in this country,

                                  a renowned and world famous Hypnotist. Fresh from his highly successful European tour,

                                  It is none other that the celebrated ‘Alfonse-Le-Bonce’!”

                        (NO-ONE APPEARS)

CHAIR                        “I'm sorry for the delay ladies and gentleman..............I expect I'll be told what the

                                   trouble is............Ladies and Gentlemen, Alfonse-Le-Bonce!”

ALF'                (FROM OFF)  “But it's not me!  I'm the juggler!  Look I am not going on!”

                        (HE IS PUSHED ON FROM THE WINGS, OBVIOUSLY EMBARRASSED AND

TRIES TO CATCH THE CHAIRMAN'S EYE)

CHAIR                        (STARTS TO APPLAUD VIGOROUSLY)  “Monsieur Alfonse”

(ALF TAKES HALF A BOW STILL TRYING TO CATCH THE CHAIRMAN'S EYE)

CHAIR                        “And now could we have the hypnotic music please?”

                        (THE BAND STARTS AS ALF EDGES FURTHER FORWARD WAVING HIS HAND AT THE CHAIRMAN. 

EVENTUALLY HE SNAPS HIS FINGERS JUST AS THE CHAIR LOOKS ROUND. IN AN INSTANT THE 

CHAIR IS HYPNOTISED AND GOES INTO A TRANCE.  ALF TRIES TO WAKE HIM AS THE BAND 

PLAYS ON. EVENTUALLY HE GIVES UP ON THE CHAIR  AND APPROACHES THE BAND WHO 

IGNORE HIM.  HE THEN ACCIDENTALLY HYPNOTISES SEVERAL OF THE BAND WHO IN TURN 

STOP PLAYING AND GO INTO A DAZE.) 

                        (NOW THERE IS ONLY THE PIANO PLAYING. ALF PUTS HIS HANDS UNDER HIS OWN ARMPITS, 

SO HE CANT SNAP HIS FINGERS, AND SHRIEKS AT THE PIANO WHO STOPS.)                                

ALF                 “Stop. This is all a terrible mistake!  I am not the hypnotist!”

PIANO            (LOOKS ROUND AT EVERYONE IN A TRANCE)  “Who did all this then?”

 ALF                 “Well I did, but it was an accident. I just snapped my fingers (HE NEARLY DOES

                        IT AGAIN)  and everyone just went under!” 

PIANO             “Well snap your fingers again and wake them up.” 

ALF                 “I've tried that! All I do is put someone else under.”

PIANO             “Well I'm sorry I can’t help you. I'm just here to play Piano!” (HE PLAYS AGAIN) 

ALF                 “But what am I going to do?”

                        (ALF RUNS ABOUT BETWEEN PEOPLE SNAPPING HIS FINGERS ETC

                        AND BECOMING MORE AND MORE AGITATED. EVENTUALLY HE

                        RUNS INTO THE WINGS AND RETURNS WITH A STAGE HAND.

                        THE PIANO IS PLAYING THROUGHOUT.)

ALF                 “I tried to tell you, I'm a juggler. I don’t know anything about this lark. Look at them,

                        what are we going to do?”

1st S/H             (LOOKING ROUND) “Well how come the pianist is all right?”

ALF                 “It's more by luck than judgement. Wake Up...Wake Up!”

                        (HE RUNS ABOUT AGAIN)

1st S/H             “Hang on, hang on. Lets take this a step at a time. What exactly did you do?” 

ALF                 “I simply snapped my fingers.“    (HE SNAPS HIS FINGERS, ONE OF THE BAND

                       WAKES UP AND STARTS PLAYING AGAIN)

ALF                 “Hey that's great! I've done it, look!”

                        (HE TURNS TO 1st S/H WHO IS NOW HYPNOTISED)

ALF                 “Oh No! Not you as well.. Wake Up! Wake Up!”

                        (ALF RUNS ABOUT AGAIN. THIS TIME WHEN HE SNAPS HIS FINGERS  ANOTHER OF THE  BAND 

WAKES UP BUT THE FIRST GOES BACK TO SLEEP)   

                       (A SECOND STAGE HAND ENTERS)

2nd S/H            “What's going on?”

ALF                 (HIDING HIS HANDS)  “I keep trying to explain. I'm just a Juggler. Somehow I've..

                        (SHRIEKS AT BAND)  Will you shut up!” (COMPOSES HIMSELF) “Look I'm

                        really sorry about all this, but it's not my fault. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm already

                        late for  another appearance.”    (HE BACKS AWAY INTO THE WINGS)

                        “Frightfully sorry,  I hope you get it all sorted out!”

                        (HE EXITS.  AS SOON AS HE'S GONE THE CHAIR AWAKES)

CHAIR                        “Has he gone?”  “Just check to see.”

2nd S/H            (PEERING INTO WINGS) “Yes he's gone. It works every time!”

CHAIR                 “Right everyone it's all clear.”

                        (EVERYONE AWAKES)

CHAIR              “Sorry about that ladies and gentlemen, we only found out today about  a terrible

                        mistake. It wasn't until the Juggler arrived that we realised... He was expecting to be PAID!”

  © 1995 Colin Siequien